Diamond Ring

INT. PAWN SHOP - NIGHT

The JEWISH STEREOTYPE behind the counter scrutinizes a jewel. The bell rings. EVERYMAN walks in.

JEWISH STEREOTYPE
Welcome to Shlomo's Shop'n'Drop, how can I help you today.

The lack of a question mark is audible. Everyman pretends to inspect the wares.

EVERYMAN
You uhhhh, got any rings?

JEWISH STEREOTYPE
Yeah. Yeah I got rings.

EVERYMAN
Diamond rings?

JS
Mmmmmm hm.

EVERYMAN
There's uhhh, there's this girl.

JS
I didn't assume.

EVERYMAN
And I, I, I really like her, and I just think, you know, it's finally... time.

JS
Time?

EVERYMAN
Yeah time. Y'know.

JS
Mmmmmm hm.

EVERYMAN
And I figure I should get her a ring.

JS
Sure, sure.

EVERYMAN
Like, a big ring.

JS
Big ring, yeah.

EVERYMAN
Just like, a ring everyone looks at and says...

JS
What?

EVERYMAN
But, like, a ring that she'll look at and say...

JS
Ah! I get ya kid, I get ya.

EVERYMAN
Really?

JS
Sure, sure, it happens more than you think.

EVERYMAN
                             (laughing)
Oh, thank God.

JS
Let's not get crazy.

EVERYMAN
Oh right. Well anyway I was just walking by and I figured. Y'know. It's time.

JS
Just walking by?

EVERYMAN
No no, I mean, I found you online.

JS
You see the reviews?

EVERYMAN
Yeah, like, a while ago.

JS
A while ago huh?

EVERYMAN
Yeah, and at first I thought, like, no way, but you know I happened to be walking past and figured what the hell.

Silence reigns in the pawn shop.

JS
So you gonna buy or what?

EVERYMAN
Oh! Yeah, yeah.

JS
Take a look, here's the real ones, here's the fakes.

EVERYMAN
Oh, thanks.

A pause. A short one.

EVERYMAN (cont.)
Yeah, this one looks good.

JS
Yeah, it's solid.

EVERYMAN
I'm just thinking, you know, I want to show it to her dad first.

JS
What'll he think?

EVERYMAN
Oh, he'll like it, he'll definitely like it.

JS
He'll like it?

EVERYMAN
He'll accept it.

JS
Gotcha.

EVERYMAN
But I'm just worried that...

Pointed silence

EVERYMAN(cont.)
That she might say it's...

JS
Spit it out.

EVERYMAN
Too small.

JS
Uh-huh. And how about this one?

EVERYMAN
Oh yeah, that one's big. Like, huge. Like if I showed up with this one she'd just look like...

JS
I can imagine.

EVERYMAN
Right?

JS
Absolutely.

EVERYMAN
Yeah, huge.

JS
But you don't want it?

EVERYMAN
I mean... look man it's great and all just-.

JS
No no, no need to explain. How about this one?

EVERYMAN
Pfffft, come on, that, it's tiny.

JS
Too small for dad?

EVERYMAN
What? No, he'd be happy with anything. It's just-.

JS
I got you, don't worry. How about this puppy, it's a zirconium, same size as the big guy, same price as the little guy, how 'bout it?

EVERYMAN
Well, I just don't feel comfortable, you know.

JS
You got jewelers in your family kid?

EVERYMAN
No.

JS
Girl got jewelers in the family?

EVERYMAN
No, no, not at all.

JS
I got jewelers in the family. They never look.

EVERYMAN
Really?

JS
I've never looked either, not while it was on the hand anyway.

EVERYMAN
I get that, still it's just...

JS
Don't sweat it kid, I know what you need.

EVERYMAN
You do?

JS
Here, you bring the ring back in two weeks, money back guarantee, just a ten buck leasing fee.

EVERYMAN
You think it'll be two weeks?

JS
Never a day more.

EVERYMAN
Thank you.

JS
The middle one right?

EVERYMAN
Yeah, the middle one. Thanks man, what a load off.

Money changes hands. There's more than enough. The bell rings.

JS
Sick fuck.

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